AT THE WATER’S EDGE:

We'll See – The Art of Waiting

A
friend of mine once told me that the motto of the #rheum-mates seems to be “we’ll
see.”  It’s true.  There are a lot of unknowns with RAD–including
how your body and disease will respond to medications–which often coincide
with periods of simply waiting.  Wait and
see if the treatment works.  Wait and see
if your symptoms wane.  Wait and see if
your lab results change.  Wait and see.

“We’ll
see” has been my response to numerous inquiries from friends and family over
the past couple months as I’ve gone through a change in medications.  Do you think it will work?  We’ll see. 
Are you feeling any better?  Hard
to tell…I guess we’ll see.  Will you be
adding another drug or changing again?  I
have to give it some time yet – we’ll see.

Today will
be my sixth Humira injection.  The first
three I took on an every other week basis – so one off week in between.  Since then, my doctor had me switch to weekly injections, because there was no change in my symptoms or sed rate (inflammation).  I would say that so far,
I have had three really good days where I didn’t have much in the way of
symptoms.  Otherwise, my wrists and hands
have been sore on most days, with weakness and limited range of motion also in
my wrists.  The second most bothersome
area is a semi-new one for me: my ankles. 
They never bothered me until the past several months, but apparently RAD
has found a new home.  This has not been
every day, and has been more of a symptom that appears after a stretch of
inactivity (e.g. in the morning when I first wake up).  I do think that other joints that were
bothering me previously have mostly cleared up: my knees, elbows and feet have
been largely unaffected during the past month.

Here’s
the dilemma: I have only another week or so before I’m supposed to call my
doctor if I’m not feeling better.  He
will then want to see me sooner than the early March appointment I currently
have scheduled and he’ll want to look at trying a new class of drugs.  That’s a bit scary for me.  I know that the TNF inhibitors help me
significantly, and I feel pretty good most days, despite my wrist issues.  So, it’s hard for me to want to take the risk
of trying something new.  On the other
hand, I know that RAD is working hard to do some permanent damage to my wrists,
and I don’t want that.  So, the question
is: am I feeling better?  A little bit?  Maybe?  We’ll see in a week?  Yes, we’ll see.

I
think I’ll give it another week and half to give my next shot a chance to take
effect, and then decide if I need to call my doctor.  We’ll see what happens.

I’m
not normally a very patient person.  I am
a planner by nature and having my disease status and treatment plan kind of up
in the air like this is not an easy thing for me to handle.  But I am learning.  I am learning the art of waiting and being
content in that.  I’m learning to trust
in God, no matter what happens.  I’m
learning that worry has no value, so there’s no sense in letting it consume
me.  I’m learning (again) to simply let go and make the best of each day.

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